Blindsided

Here goes; I need to start somewhere. So many people have called, emailed, and sent cards, and I want to keep everyone updated on how John is doing. Our lives have changed so much, and it's been hard to get back to everyone individually. Our dear old friends Judy and Jon Jensen, formerly from Appleton and now living in Utah, suggested starting a blog, and I am finally getting around to doing that.

We're still a bit numb from the news we received on February 16th and on the following days, ending with the prognosis given to us on February 23rd by the oncologist after he had the results of all the tests, scans, and the lung biopsy. I think part of what made it such a shock is how sudden it was. John had been feeling great! He'd had some recent visual changes, and went to an ophthalmologist, thinking he needed glasses, or maybe had a cataract. She saw some abnormalities in his eyes and referred him to a retinologist at University of Wisconsin Hospital for an ocular ultrasound and other tests. That's when we learned he had metastases to both eyes. We were completely blindsided by this, and by the results of all the ensuing tests on the following days: a bone scan, an MRI of the brain and spinal cord, CT scans of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis, and a lung biopsy. All of them brought bad news, one after another. The diagnosis is non-small cell adenocarcinoma, primary lung, with metastases to the brain, eyes, adrenal glands, spine, and pelvis.

He'd been feeling so well! He'd had a cough, but thought it was a side effect of a blood pressure medication he'd been taking. He had a chest x-ray in late November, and it was normal!! Just 3 days before the diagnosis, he took our 4-year-old grandson, Jack, sledding, and pulled him up a large hill on the sled repeatedly without feeling tired. And just two weeks earlier he went snowshoeing in the hilly woods around our cottage in northern Wisconsin for two hours!

John started radiation therapy to his brain, eyes, and upper spine on February 23rd and had 10 daily treatments, ending on March 6th. He lost pretty much all his hair and has had some other unpleasant side effects, but it hasn't been too bad. He's been a bit queasy and very tired, and he can't see very well to read; otherwise his vision is pretty good. He starts chemotherapy on March 30th.

So how are we doing? At first John and I were kind of in shock. We just held each other and cried; we felt so sad for many days. We have such a strong and happy marriage; such a good and close relationship. My parents both lived to be 90, and John's parents are almost 89 and 87. John is 60; we thought we had all the time in the world! We had just moved here to Fitchburg, a suburb of Madison, a year ago, to be near our daughter Hilary, our son-in-law Travis, and (most importantly!) our first grandson, Jack. To our everlasting joy, they had recently moved here from Provo, Utah! And shortly after our move to Madison, they added a beautiful baby girl, Grace Allison, to their family! We've been on Cloud Nine living just 10 minutes from all of them, and being back in Madison where I'd lived during my high school years, and where many of my relatives also live, including two dear sisters. John and I both got our undergraduate degrees at UW-Madison, so we'd just begun enjoying exploring the area again. He had sold his busy medical practice in Appleton and had taken a position at UW Health in Madison, enjoying the less demanding hours and looking forward to spending more time with all of us. He'd also been teaching medical students, something he found he greatly enjoyed.

Suddenly our lives had changed, literally in an instant. As we sat in those two chairs in the retinologist's office hearing the initial diagnosis, and then in the oncologist's office hearing the prognosis, I felt as if I were outside myself, watching us, as if I were watching a movie. It just didn't seem real. That sense of unreality persisted for a couple of weeks. It was so strange. One day we were two ordinary people, living our lives, and the next day we were hit with this, and our lives were changed forever. I dreaded telling our kids; I hated to have to disrupt their lives and bring them such sadness.

As the initial shock started to wear off, we soon began to count our blessings. How grateful I am that John became a member of our Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, more than 3 months before this happened! He was baptized on November 7th, 2009, and what a joyful day that was. I have been a member of the Church since 1981, and we had raised our children in the Church. He had been coming to Church with us all these years, and supported us in all our Church activity. Our kids went to seminary, and our girls have temple marriages, to returned missionaries, and are faithful, active members of the Church. John has actually been a "dry Mormon" (!) for many years. He's very glad that he was baptized before his illness--not as an act of desperation, but for all the right reasons. He knew it was true! I'm so grateful for his choice. And our Bishop has spoken to our Stake President, and he has set things in motion so that we will be able to go to the temple soon, to be sealed for time and all eternity! He thought we could go in a month or two! I'd had no idea exceptions are ever made to the rule of waiting one year after baptism to go to the temple to be sealed, but he said yes, in situations like this, that can be done. We are beside ourselves with joy! I had received my endowments many years ago. John and I went down to the Chicago temple once, shortly before he got sick, to do baptisms. But we are so looking forward to being sealed to each other and to our children, so that we can be an eternal family, together forever. It will be the happiest day of our lives.

We are so filled with gratitude for the many blessings we have received! I will have so much more to say about this, and will be posting regularly. I'll be posting much more about how John is doing and about what type of chemotherapy he'll be starting next week (it's experimental), etc. Please make comments; I hope someone out there is reading this! I would love to have responses. Please keep John in your prayers.